Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Brock's Point of View...

I wrote this earlier today. Getting my thoughts and emotions down can be so thereputic for me...

So, I’m sitting here on the floor of my living room because I have no chairs. Our movers have been “delayed” till Friday and so we are going to be without our things until then. And yesterday I began to notice a few things. The carpet looks great because we had it cleaned, but I still feel like I can smell the lingering scent of dog. The drapes too. They are horrendous. Not just ugly (I can deal with ugly) but they smell. Bad. Like they were used to dry the dogs off every time they got out of the bath. The cupboard floor under the kitchen sink is in bad shape with part of it broken off completely. And a handful of the doorknobs in the house need to be replaced entirely because they are broken somehow. If the drapes to the front window of our house are open and one of the kids decides to push the bathroom door open....yeah, it wouldn't be a pretty sight. Call me crazy but I don't want the neighborhood to witness me doing my business.
A lot of junky stuff that I do not want was left behind for us to take care of and even the stuff that I can find a use for looks like it hasn’t been dusted in ten years. And the flies! They must have gotten in when the previous owner was moving out and they were everywhere! Chad bought some fly paper and put it up around the house…I have counted over 100 flies on the fly paper alone! And I’ve probably killed a dozen or so with the fly swatter in the last 48 hours. Spiders too. My kids each have spots on their arms and legs that are itchy and swollen from spider bites.  Brock also fell off our porch yesterday and into the rose bushes that are so out of control that they resemble that scene from Sleeping Beauty....you know, the one where Maleficent makes the forrest of thorns? And Chad spent a good 2 hours outside in the front and back yard scooping up dog poop and spraying down the walkways and the deck.
And the behavior is killing me! I’m trying so hard to be patient with them since the emotional trauma and stress we have all been under for the past week is not easy to deal with when you understand it, let alone when you don’t! The kids watched as their beds and toys were loaded into a semi-truck and waved goodbye as it drove away. They had to wander around their empty house for several hours and try to entertain themselves as I cleaned and we have been living in hotel rooms ever since, with much of the first few days spent in the car driving to places they had never seen before (and let's be honest: the Wyoming sceenery leaves much to be desired). They are up late and up early and naps have been limited to the car or the floor at our house (with pillow cases as blankets) since we haven’t been in the same hotel for more than a night at a time.

Then of course school starts tomorrow morning at a school that we have only driven past once, teachers we have never met, and classmates Ella doesn’t know. She is constantly mouthing off to me, Brock bit one of his sisters this morning, and I had to issue a time out in the middle of breakfast at our hotel this morning because Miri wanted a doughnut for breakfast (which they did not have), she threw her plate across the room in protest, and refused to pick it up when I asked. Oh she screamed for a good few minutes before I finally approached the corner she was in and asked if she was ready to pick up her plate and join us kindly (she decided she was). But I really shouldn’t be surprised! This is not easy on any of us, particularly Brock and Miri who have no way of really understanding what is going on right now.
I’m tired of living out of a suitcase. I’m tired of going in and out of hotels. I’m tired of weird men at hotel swimming pools who wear their underwear to swim in (cause there’s really little difference between briefs and a swimsuit anyway, right?) and who stare at and try to talk to my children. I just want to be done. I'm not saying I'm ready to go back to Vernal or anything, but I'm sick of sitting around and waiting for my household to arrive. And my attitude was defintely coming through today as I snapped at my children and was close to tears of self-pity on more than one occasion!

But today with one little statement, my sweet little boy taught me something about perspective. As we pulled into our driveway, he gave a big, contented sigh and said, “We’re home…”
And I realized, yeah, we are. Sure the stuff listed above is rotten and a big pain in the neck, but none of it is permanent. We have a hotel room here in town for tonight through Friday. We will be in the same room and I won’t have to repack every morning just to unpack a few hours later. They have a really awesome looking pool, so the kids are excited, but my fingers are crossed and prayers of desperation said for no more inappropriately dressed men trying to talk to us! Yes, I’m terrified for Ella to start school tomorrow just because she won’t know a single person. But I also know that she is awesome at making friends and even though I’m nervous about it now, I’m sure as soon as she comes home tomorrow I will realize that I had nothing to worry about.

Friday our movers should arrive with our stuff and maybe Friday night we can even sleep in our own house. I’m here with my husband and even though we haven’t had much time together yet, I’ve hugged and kissed him more in the last 48 hours than I have for the past month. Our first night back together was not at all romantic by any stretch of the imagination, with the girls in the couch-bed beside us and our son between us in the bed. But once our things come, we won’t have to share a bedroom (or a bed!) with the kids anymore. I think we will find one or two ways to celebrate that fact! (Sorry if that is TMI for some, deal with it.) ;)
Cleaning up the house and making the MANY desired changes will take some time, but we will make it happen little by little. This is our house now and so we can do what we want with it like peeling off the floral print wallpaper, painting over the purple bathroom and periwinkle kitchen, and tearing up the mauve carpet. The spiders and flies will be eradicated soon enough and as soon as our stuff arrives and we can get settled a little bit, hopefully the behavior will level off (yeah, I'm not going to ask for miracles...I do have 2 very dramatic daughters and a 3 year old!).

But we’re home. We’re together as a family and that’s what makes it home. We are here because we are 100% certain that this is where the Lord wants us. The Lord will always show us the way He wants us to go, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy to get there. But because we know He wants us here, we can take comfort in the fact that it will all work out eventually. It might be a little scary at first, but its home now. And it’s going to feel a little more like home every day that we are here.
So yeah, we’re home. And despite the mess, it still feels right.


Mindy said...

I remember when we saw our house for the first time empty... when the previous owners had taken all of their stuff. I had to gulp hard and tell myself that it would be okay... it looked SO awful, and I thought maybe we had made a big mistake. Once our things were in place, it felt completely different. The walls and floors looked better, and it felt like home. :)

Tia Langston said...

I'm glad you're home. We've had....and still continue to have...hiccups along our path here, even though we know it's where we're supposed to be as well. Good luck. I know you can do it! You have one of the cheeriest attitudes I know! Love and miss you guys!

glee said...

Thank you for the perspective. It applies in so many ways to so many other things! This too, shall pass- Hang in there, girlfriend!